The Retail Worker’s Perspective

6. I’ve done this job for a long time. I know what I am doing. If I tell you that when you laminate that ultrasound it will turn black, I mean it. In fact, knowing this type of this is part of my training. So, when you proceed to tell me you have done it before and it will be fine, you just look like a jack ass when I do it and it does in fact turn black. Still, you proceed to get mad at me. I know you are insecure and all, but don’t take your inadequacies out on the copy girl. Thank you.

7. No, your children cannot come behind the counter. Neither can you. It’s not cute when little Johnny is playing hide and seek and runs behind the counter. It is a safety hazard, and the company I work for can, and probably will be sued (by you!). Please, just keep your children at bay; That way, I can finish your order without worrying that Johnny will burn him self on the laminating machine, and you get your copies faster.

8. Oh, you need a receipt for that 3 cent copy? No you don’t. Be reasonable.

9. The prices for basic items are located in the on the counter, and in the brochers we have. So when you ask me to make you 1,000 color copies, I am going to do it. If you don’t ask me the price, I assume you know. Do you go to a restaurant, order a pizza and when the bill comes say “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it would be that much.”? NO. It would be rediculous if you did that. So when you look at me and say “My, it’s THAT much for 1,000 copies?” I will just stare at you waiting for my money. The restaurant might be able to sell that pizza to another person. I probably wouldn’t be able to sell your copies of ‘Were The Nazis Environmentally Friendly?’ to the rest of my daily customers.

10. I can not copy certain documents for you. I mean, physically I can, but legally–well, its illegal. Do you know what copyright is? It means it is not yours to copy without permission. Also, there is a list of things that are illegal to color copy, such as money and drivers license (nevermind LAMINATING those copies!). I realize that maybe you don’t know that, but I just told you. So now you know. Asking me why not just makes me want denying doing anything for you at all.

11. This is not an auto dealership. You can not try and bargain the price down. Why someone would do that is beyond what I could think up. We have a price list. The copies go down in price the more you get. What don’t you understand?

12. When you hand me your papers to be copied, don’t say “don’t read that information, its private.” Well sir, I really did want to read your letter to your girlfriend about your infatuation with sheep because it fascinates me to no end–But since you asked so nicely, I will try ever so hard to tear myself away from reading about whatever it is that you are copying. I don’t give a damn if you are copying pictures of a taco in the sunset. I could care less. I just want to make your copies and be paid.

I hope you have found this list helpful, and not too offensive. Of course not all my customers are like this, in fact, the majority are very wonderful to do business with. As always, the few people out there who should not even be allowed out in public can ruin my days. Thanks to all my wonderful customers! You make this job worth the time and effort.