The Tragedy of the Office Park Lunch Line

Ah, Corporate America!  When you are young and servicing the incredibly kind people that work in this part of society, they may become agitated because you did not perform some action perfectly for them and give you some humble and note worthy advice.

“Hey asshole, why don’t you get a real job!”

Don’t hate them.  You see, they are special.  These people have figured out how to kiss ass in a way so professional they get to sit at a desk all day long surfing the internet for porn, ebay, or TMZ; whatever they fancy.  They complain about ‘working 40 plus hours a week’ when they know damn well that the amount of time actually spent working is negligible compared to the starting figure.  They work great hours where they have weekends off, PTO, and holidays that they never even have to think about working on.

They have real jobs.  And because you haven’t been lucky enough to land one yet.  You are simply less than/ not equal to/ lower in the rungs of society.

But let me take you into their world for just the length of this blog.  Maybe you will see why their superiority is so unequivocally justified.  The best view from which to observe is a seat in the office park cafeteria between 11: am and 2:00 pm.  And here they come

The people you will see staggering through the door at this hour are usually somewhat large women.  They’ve more than likely just uttered the words “I have got to eat something right now, I am starving.  I didn’t have anything for breakfast”.  The Slimfast they’d been trying to keep to must not have counted as ‘anything’ and they feel the need to explain the need to eat a meal 2 hours after arriving at work.  These are the same women that, if caused to be late getting to the cafeteria on ‘fiesta’ day, will spit vehemently at the staff  because they didn’t order enough pico de gallo. 

After they leave the regular crowd will come in around noon.  This is where we see an amazingly wide cast of characters.

Lets start with ’somewhat in shape gym rat guy’.  He just got his membership on the 1st and he is so totally pumped man!  He comments on the fact that, no he does not want that rabbit food on his taco salad because it isn’t romaine.  Instead he asks for extra grease soaked beef because he’s sore as hell from last nights work out and needs some protein to help heal his muscles.  As he notices that the girl next to him is getting the chicken salad sandwich he makes a face and comments on the fact that he gave up mayonnaise at the beginning of the year, right before he asks for two scoops of sour cream to finish of his styrofoam encased fiesta of health food.