Workplace Bullying

Victims of workplace bullying often think they are alone in how they are feeling and in, what they believe is their inadequacy to face their dilemma. You are not alone, but as few are willing to admit that another human being is making us feel ill every day of our working life, it remains a hidden issue.

Bullying in the workplace is a nightmare, you dread going to work and live for the days that the perpetrator of the constant verbal attacks is out on leave or away at a meeting. It is rare that one discusses being the victim of a bully, bullies take so much of your confidence away that one of the last things you want to do is admit that you do not have the strength to deal with the problem. Coupled with the fact that once away from work the last thing you want to do is take yourself back to that awful place, even by just talking about it, it can remain a silent mental trauma.

When they are on holiday the change in your mental and often physical wellbeing is phenomenal.

Victims know that it is hard for them to leave the job as the bully will not relinquish their prey and therefore will do all they can to spoil any chances of a new job.

Workplace bullying initiatives are seldom any use, bullies are not only clever in covering their tracks,  but they always ensure that anyone that in their eyes is important, believes that they are the kindest human that ever walked the planet. Colleagues are not going to act as witnesses against the bully either; they are often targets themselves and know that their working lives would become even more unbearable if they spoke out.

Bullies are manipulators, control freaks, they enjoy demoralising others. They feed on sucking every ounce of confidence from their targets. The key to their pleasure is your suffering, the more they have hurt you, the happier they are. If they can also get others to laugh at you, their day is complete.

So there you are in a job that is proving hard to leave, either because your predator makes it difficult or because you would lose out from a career or financial perspective if you were to go.

What on earth can you do?

Having been the victim of a bully for many years, I found the best way is to pretend their behaviour is not affecting you. My acting skills became of Oscar winning standards. Their wish is to see you suffer, so if you appear not to be bothered it spoils their enjoyment. I found at first that that the level of bullying rose, due to their frustration in my lack of response. If the barbed remark just for my ears appeared to be no longer working, they would ensure they did it in front of others. Alternatively, they would up the level of spitefulness. The hurtful remarks became almost unbearable, but I continued to maintain my cool exterior and made a few more trips to the loo to shed a few tears, I refused let the bully know the impact of their behaviour, it was the only power I had. The eventual result was that I became less of a target. It didn’t remove the problem altogether, after all it was second nature for them to behave so badly.  It was working, as my reactions were no longer as heart-warming for them and did little to pamper to their feelings of superiority.

It is strange but true, by constantly acting the part of someone who is not bothered, you do become less affected, so it doesn’t resolve the situation, but it certainly helps.

As I said the problem will not go away, they cannot help themselves but the number of times you reach the point of despair will lessen.

The next key to coping is realising that the bully must been one of the most insecure people you will ever meet. They obviously have the need to make you look small to make themselves feel better. The fact that they have picked on you means they believe you are better than they are and need to put you in your place. The more people they are bullying the more problems they obviously have.

I have given you tips on how you can help alleviate the problems, but they are short to medium term solutions. How you resolve the problem long term can only be based on your individual circumstances. Firstly, I would recommend that you act of my suggestions, which will move you to a better mental place. Having done that I suggest you take yourself away from your normal surroundings, for at least a day but longer if you can. Then think about the future and how you want it to be and how you can get to that destination. Whilst it is important not to let the bully win, it is more important for you to remember that you only have one life and daily purgatory should not be part of it.

The answer for me took years, being away from my normal environment made me stronger and I was able to find the determination not to be forced out sooner than it suited my plans to do so. I had worked out the timescales for my career, my finances and my pension plan.
When I returned to work my resolve was very soon weakened, but I had a plan now and I could summon up the enthusiasm I had felt when I set out my path.

How can I say this works, I cannot, not for you, as we are all different. What I can say is it worked for me and late last year I was able to hand in my resignation and start my new life.
Did my bully get the last word- yes of course- the jibes between my handing in my notice and leaving came thick and fast and plunged new depths. But guess what?… I did not care.

Do you know that feeling when you wake up on a workday and suddenly realise it’s your day off?  Well that’s how I feel every workday now, knowing I don’t have to face my bully.

Did they win, I don’t think so, I am happy and no doubt, they continue to bully my ex-colleagues- which means, they are still sad, very, very, very sad.

Trisha Justin